I haven't cracked open a baby book since you've been born. I don't know what size you are 'supposed' to be or what milestones you should be achieving.
But here's what I do know Lulah Grey...
You are ten pounds and you smile. The mouth wide open, whole face kind of smile. You nurse great and it's one of my favorite times with you. You spit-up. A lot. A good portion of the time. We do a lot of laundry. And that's okay. Your grunts literally sound like we have a billy goat living in our house. When you are awake in my arms and looking up at me, I can almost feel you trying to take in every sight and sound with your entire being. Your eyes swallow my soul. It's also been a month of re-strengthening those baby carrying muscles. A month of becoming re-accustom to the heat that one little body produces when they are almost permanently attached to you. A month of letting myself fall into the rhythm of just listening to my body and responding to yours. It's been taking a deep breath and smiling as I cringe because big sister typically greets you every morning with a cough in your face and a poke to your eyeball showing me that your eyes are open. It's been learning to discipline a two year old while you nurse in my arms. It's been a glimpse of a sister friendship that excites my heart.
I know that this has been the sweetest month of my life.
You are so peaceful that it can't help but spill over. And it affects our household. I see it when your daddy holds you and I see it when your sister lights up at your presence.
We are so far from having it all together as a family of four. But that's not what I'm really striving for.
We're just letting your little life, your sweet and gentle soul, change us.
When it comes down to it, I'm just not scared this go around. Scared that I won't be enough or do it right. That I can't change and be stretched into a better person.
Because I know, and am always having to remind myself, that I don't have to.
God's grace and provision never fails. In my weakness, His power works best.
That's what I go back to.
That sustains me more than any book on parenting
Your sister turned my world upside down. She brought me closer to my Savior. She taught me to love Him more. She taught me how to love your daddy better.
God used her warmth and light to start pounding out the selfish in me so that I could experience the fruit of selfless love.
And while you will certainly aide in furthering that process...