16 Weeks

Dear 2nd baby,

We had a really nice 16-week day for you.

We slept with the windows open last night, so we woke up to a cool crisp morning.

I'm so glad Fall is finally creeping back in.  It is most certainly a favorite season in this family.  While your dad made breakfast for everyone, Lucy wanted to do a quick morning walk.  The cool Fall air makes her frisky too.

Here's a picture of your silly sister :)

After breakfast we cleaned up and went to a pond where we fed some ducks and walked around collecting things that we brought home to make a fall arrangement.

We're actually back outside this evening, where I'm writing you this letter.  It's so hard to stay indoors during this season.  The air is lighter and crisper, the tea olive seems to smell sweeter and stronger, and the earth produces a whole new bounty of things to find on our walks; pinecones, acorns, and fallen leaves that are just starting to take on the reds, yellows, and oranges that will soon saturate the skyline.  It's such a world that you will be a part of.  The next time these leaves change color, you will be in my arms.

It's different this time, you know?  The waiting.  When Lucy was in my belly I wanted to know everything.  I had the daily journal that told me each day what was happening inside me and I received the weekly updates of what growth happened in the previous week.  And yes it was fun and thrilling and fascinating!  But just so much tracking.  We won't be having any ultrasounds this time, our midwife isn't even concerned with tracking my weight.  The only concern is to keep my body moving, stretching, and strengthening and to fill it up with good nutrition and hydration.  So I feel like this go around, with you, instead of a daily, weekly, and monthly count down, we're simply in a season together.  A season where we are both growing and changing and waiting.  Letting God do His thing, creating a new masterpiece.  And strangely enough, I enjoy the slow and the waiting.  I love this season.

So we will continue to enjoy Autumn and it's bounty.  We will ease into winter and rest and nest and prepare.  And in it's perfect timing, we will usher in Spring with the greatest of new life, you, little one.

Love,
Mama

18 Months

Dear Lucy,

You are 18 months today.  Halfway to two!

I remember this time last year when you turned 6 months.  It really did feel like we leisurely climbed that first half of your first year of life and reached the top and then just flew down the other side and we're celebrating your first birthday in a blink.

I have a feeling that is going to happen this go around as well.

A lot has happened during our summer.  Full of visits and activities, but also a lot of leisurely family time as well.

You completed your Infant Aquatics class.  It was a big commitment, 4 days a week for 6 weeks.  But you went from being my little bird to my little fish.  You were such a good student!  You caught on fast and the best part for me was that you enjoyed yourself.  It was just amazing to watch Mrs. Jodi teach you to tap into survival instincts that were there inside of your little baby/toddler self.  I mean you were 16 months old and swimming!  You'll jump off the side of the pool or steps and swim underwater to us.  If we're too far away or you're trying to go to the other side, once you run out of air you just roll over on your back and float while you catch your breath and then turn back over and keep on kicking until you reach your destination.  You love to watch the videos of yourself and clap when you see yourself swimming.  Your dad and I plan on taking you to the YMCA pool during the fall and winter so you can keep it up.  Not to mention you like to practice floating and kicking in the bath tub.  It was a time and money investment, but the worth is immeasurable to us.  With the weather cooling and our explorations increasing, I'll have the ability to allow you to explore just a little bit farther when we're in the woods around streams and ponds and that brings even more relaxed joy to our outings.  And the confidence and freedom it gave you to truly play in the water was just a pleasure to watch.

You also started 'school' last month.  You go two days a week, from 9 to 1.  You love it. You're bringing home weekly art projects, your vocabulary is increasing rapidly, and I can see your confidence growing.  At orientation we were given some questions to fill out and bring back the first week of school.  One of the questions was, "What would you like to see your child accomplish this year?"  Your father and I answered, "For Lucy to be her confident, comfortable, silly self away from her mom and dad."  We felt like it was time to start teaching you to be yourself away from your comfort zone.  You have spent the first 500 and something days of your life with me and it was time for this small, simple little push.  I want to make sure that even at this young age, you're able to start letting your light shine!  I look forward, as the year progresses, to write down moments and milestones as you become more comfortable with your teachers and the other children and as you continue to grow further away from babyhood and closer to the glimpse of the little girl you will become.

Speaking of new communities, we have been going to a new church for around 6 months now but have really felt plugged in over the last several weeks.  Finding a church family has been something I have been praying for since your father and I got married and it's been a slow patient process.  But wouldn't you know it, our faithful Lord led us to a body of believers that has exceeded even our simple prayer request.  Lucy, I am so excited about this new family.  It is a new, younger church full of genuine, passionate, and loving people.  It's a church that doesn't want to just study the Bible, they want to live it.  It's a church ran by volunteers.  A church that isn't about serving ourselves, as much as it is about finding ways to serve our community.  I have met people that have a heart for mercy and justice and truly care about finding ways to love on the people that we are called to love.  I am so giddy about the possibilities and how I, as well as our family, am about to get stretched and even pushed out of my comfort zone to satisfy a tension and a calling to actively live out the love that Christ freely pours out on us.  Your father and I talk endlessly about how important that is for us as parents to show you.  We want a church experience for you that is more than teaching, learning and fellowship, but a body of Christ that gives and serves and loves, far outside the walls of the building they gather in each week.  I am so thankful for this answered prayer.

Another recent family event...we bought a cow!  No, not the kind that grazes the lawn and moos.  But a whole cow's worth of meat.  What we eat is so important, and we want you to learn about that importance and the tremendous benefits and responsibility of consuming good natural foods.  Food has the ability to heal and restore.  That's why our garden was so important to us.  But then you ended up being a caveman in a little girl's body.  You love meat...and fruit (Your teachers call you a fruit-tarian!).  But oh, your meat.  One of your favorite new words to say is actually sausage.  Although it sounds more like saw-saw.  You like to drag out each syllable and then add plenty of emphasis and gusto, usually including some arm pumps as well.  Anyways, it became increasingly important for us to make sure you were getting safe, quality meet.  After plenty of research and scouting, it was actually going to be more cost efficient to buy the whole cow.  That way we got to pick out a local, grass-fed, hormone-free, pampered, stress free cow.  I feel really good about what our family is eating, but I think your dad just likes to go look at the deep freezer filled with meat.

I guess I should also note, that last month marked the end of our breastfeeding relationship.  My goal was a year, and I didn't really foresee a year and half.  But it just happened that way.  I was able to help you through your one year molars, springtime colds, and continue building that immune system when you started school.  Plus, it was the only time you still looked like my baby.  It just felt right and I went with it.  I am so thankful for our journey together, especially considering it was one with such a rough and painful start.  I was tremendously humbled, I learned a lot, and I thank you for the good and the bad so that I can use this new wisdom for the next go around!

Your summer was filled with lots of other things.  Beach trips, a family reunion, family visits, and more.  But there is one more thing, a really BIG thing.  I have a new baby in my belly.  

You are going to be a big sister.

I wrote to your little brother or sister last week about how wonderful it is to have a big sister.  But the neat part is that I can also tell you how wonderful it is to be the big sister.  The fierceness with which you love them, the pride you feel in claiming them, and even during the stages when they are driving you crazy, the immense responsibility you feel to protect them is always there.  It is certainly something that will be a part of what shapes you.  As soon as he or she arrives, you will be different, never again the same.  But in such a good, rich way.  I have looked forward to giving you this gift.  And I know you will make the most of it.

Oh sweet Lucy, you are so much fun.  Your father and I spend 80% of our time with you just laughing!  You love dancing and just moving in general.  I can't play the piano without you joining in, but you've gone from banging to liking the way it sounds when you just play the individual keys.  You talk to yourself and to your dolls.  Your favorite sounds are animal noises and your building quite the repertoire.  One of your favorite games just warms my heart so much.  You gather one of your dolls and a bag and you wave goodbye and blow a kiss and then walk out of the room.  Then you come back in and throw your bag down and run over and give me a hug and kiss as I make a big deal about how much I missed you and I ask how your day was and you most certainly answer me.  Then you giggle, go get your bag, and we do the routine all over again.  I love that you are learning that coming and going doesn't have to be sad or scary.

You have plenty of attitude and we are in the tantrum phase.  They usually only occur when you're tired, duh!  That's when I have mine too :)  But we have been using time-out and you respond to it beautifully.  You sit for one minute and you keep your head down with your hands in your lap and usually take loud deep breaths and then when we bend down to tell you you're done you give us the biggest cheesiest grin and leap into our arms with a kiss.  So it's been less for discipline and more for teaching you how to take a breather and calm down when you start getting worked up.

You still have so much of your daddy in you.  You take tasks very serious and love being given a responsibility.  You  are already starting to pick up your toys before you leave the room.  Of course this isn't exactly consistent, but you do it on your own without being asked.  You still are the one that feeds the dogs and you help unload the dishwasher.  You love helping in the garden.  You watched me picking peppers the other day and went to another bush and started pulling the peppers off and placing them in the basket.  You actually lightened the work load.  Not bad for 18 month!

Lucy, the sound of your laughter still washes through my entire body.  I love how you smile with your entire face.  Even your little smirks reach your eyes.  I love that you still love to cuddle and snuggle.  I love that you look forward to being read to, as well as enjoy 'reading' to yourself.  I love you, I love you, I love you.
 
We have so much ahead of us Lucy Pearl.

Love,
Mama

12 Weeks

Dear 2^nd Baby,

I thought awhile about how to address you in your letters.

I wanted to differentiate your letters from the ones I wrote to your sister while she was the one growing in my belly.  At first I was afraid calling you the ‘second baby’ would make you seem less important, second best.  How silly am I!  

I am a second born.  And it is a beautiful place to be.

I too, have an older sister.  And I can assure you that Lucy will take the big sister task as seriously as my sister did.  There is so much comfort and strength that comes from having someone walk ahead of you.  But not just anyone, someone whose friendship will span you entire life.  Someone who will have more memories intertwined with yours than anyone you will ever know.

You will learn a lot from your sister, as I’m sure she will from you.

So yes, you are my 2^nd baby!  And what a blessing that is.

The physical 1^st trimester experience has been pretty similar to my last.  My thoughts however, have been on a completely different journey this go around.  

It’s taking a lot longer to really sink in.  And it isn’t as much about the novelty of what it will be like to have and hold a baby.  I’m just flat out excited to meet you and find out what little person is being formed in me this time.  

I know that this time around my world won’t be turned upside down, the way it seems to happen with the first baby.  But you my love, will stretch and grow my world to even new and better and wonderful places.

I look forward to being able to share more and more of my heart with you and your sister.  But here’s a little piece of it I’d like to share now…

I fell in love with backpacking.

I’ve backpacked throughout the Southeast, Northern Minnesota, Montana, and Alaska.  

I’ve spent weekends, weeks, and months in wilderness.  Some places with trails, some without.

Here’s what drew me in.

There’s the physical pain and discomfort that you then transcend and your body becomes stronger and more capable then you ever thought possible.  There’s the peace and tranquility and healthy fear of being in a place where there is nothing made by man.  The sights, the sounds, the smells, are all designed and placed there directly by God.  There’s the self satisfaction of carrying everything you need to live and survive on right there on your back. 
 

You take all that, mix it together and you have a ball of challenging simplicity.  That’s what did me in

The simplicity of it all.  You wake up, pack up, move one foot in front of the other, reach your destination, set up camp, cook over a fire, enjoy a meal that directly feeds a tired and hard-worked body,  you breath in your surroundings, and you go to bed, and start over with the sun.  Simplicity.

That might sound horrible to some people!  But even with such a simple routine, every day was different.  New sights, new challenges, new goals met.  You could take your time, or push through it.  I would feel more pride and fulfillment and sense of accomplishment and purpose during those times.  And it would be such a confusing adjustment to come back to a world where a day spent running errands or checking of lists and ‘accomplishing’ 1,000 different tasks, seemed like I wasn’t doing anything.

I tell you all that, because that is how I feel about being a mother.

Yes, there are so many elements and responsibilities and tasks that make up motherhood.  But deep, deep in the core of my heart, my goal is simple.

To love my children the way Christ has loved me.  To live so that when you look to me, you turn to Jesus.

I’m not called to perfection.  And sweet baby, I am not!  I’m not very organized, or efficient, or even very productive at times.  Yes, these things are important and I will always be striving to be better.  

But that’s not what drives my calling to be a mother.

And let me clarify that simple does not equal easy.  It’s quite often the very opposite.  It’s not the easy that I’m after, just the simplifying.

There will be plenty of challenges, and valleys and mountain tops, and obstacles.  There are with your sister and I know there will be with you, learning to become a family of four.

But I look at Lucy, and I think of you and the simplicity of it all steals my heart over and over.  It’s what allows motherhood to bring peace, and joy, and satisfaction even amidst all the chaos and my shortcomings.

Baby, I will love you.  I will love you unconditionally, I will love you with patience, and I will love you with joy.

Not because I’m this great mother.  But because that is how I am loved by our God.   

I am not perfect.  You will see me fail and grow many times, but HE teaches me patience and joy when I have none.  And forgives… always.  

That’s what I want to offer you.  

That’s the first part of my heart I wanted to share.  I am not and will never be perfect, and child, neither will you be! 

But I serve, and we are loved by a perfect God.  

So take comfort, and grow my sweet baby.

Love,
Mama

29...

I turned 29 today.

Steven and I have talked a lot about how we want to approach birthdays and holidays in our family.

We don't want our children to think that it's about how big or how many gifts are received.  But it's a great time to reflect on how much we do have, and what is really important.

Quality time is more than I could ever ask for.

That's exactly what I got today from my little family.

And a few other things as well :)

I woke up to this...

And this... :)

We went out to breakfast and then headed to the DMV to renew my license.

This wasn't originally on the schedule until my husband noticed last night that my license expires today.  A question I hear quite often from his, "What would you do without me?"


I don't even know my love, I don't even know.


But 30 minutes, pleasant workers, and a Lucy greeting to everyone in the building and we were out of there.

Then home for a nap and some lounging.

After some rest, Steven suggested we head to an antique market.  What?!?  Heck ya!

Lucy was ready.

We found this fun toy.

And Steven finally bought me a goat...

Not quite.

Then it was off to downtown to a local bakery where we had a little treat and I picked out my cake for tonight. (This was mainly because my niece was very concerned that Uncle Steven would NOT get me a cake and you HAVE to have a cake on your birthday!)

I chose a strawberry cake.  It was INCREDIBLE.

Then back home to watch a movie.

It was a great day. 

There were some more errands thrown in there, and other normal day things.  But Steven, Lucy, and I spent the entire day together, every minute.  It's amazing how the simplest, most mundane things become fun.

What's even more amazing is that these days spent completely together are not even saved for special occasions.  They happen pretty frequently.

Lord, may I never take these days for granted.

Yes, it was a great day.

That's really all I can say.  I'm afraid if I try to express any more, the amount of gratitude and humble amazement at all that is in my life will turn me into a weepy pile of mush on my keyboard.

My friends, my family, my husband, my little girl, the baby being formed inside of me now.

It's the stuff I dreamed about as a little girl, yet it's all more than I ever imagined or deserve.

Love, joy, and gratitude.  This is what I'm sending back into the Universe.

 

Brad Dunagan for Tax Commissioner!

My Papa is running for tax commissioner in Hall County.  If you live there...he IS the person to vote for.

I wish it was as simple as that.

It's kind of weird when people you love run for things.  It's so obvious to me that my father is qualified.  And he's kind, honest, wise, and full of integrity.  Therefore, it should be obvious to everyone else.  And if all of that is obvious, then of course he will be the person elected.  Right?  Again, how simple would that be.

His campaign was never about how much money was spent on signs and billboards and advertising.  To me, it seems a little silly to run for tax commissioner and spend 20 or 30 or 40,000 dollars {or more} to get there.  My father just wanted to meet people.  To talk with them, get to know them, and let them get to know him.  It's the way I wish more campaigns were done.

It really isn't because he's my father that I want you to vote for him, but because he is my father I can say with 100% certainty he is the best candidate for the position.  I can tell you that he has more patience than anyone I know.  He responds to any circumstance with wisdom and logic.  He is fair and humble.  He values people.  That's the stuff you don't see on resumes.  And that's also the stuff that separates being simply, a qualified candidate, to being exactly who you would want serving your county.

But here's what I really love about my father.  He serves someone much bigger.  Someone that is always in control.  Someone who has written the tiny details and the greater picture.  Because of my father's faith in the Heavenly Father, there is peace in the uncertainty.  When you believe the Lord works everything towards the good, and you are open to serve the Lord however and wherever He sees fit, there is joy, not fear, in taking a risk.  And that's what my father believes.

So elected or not, Brad Dunagan will still rest in the Lord.  He will still look to Him for guidance.  His future is still in His hands.  And my father will still count each day a blessing.

But just so you know Hall, you'd be one lucky county to have Brad Dunagan serve you.

Learning

This morning I was in the bathroom washing my face and brushing my teeth.

I came out and saw this.

She looked up and smiled at me, and then continued "getting ready" herself. 

I thought about how many times in those early months she would be strapped to me, curled up with just her little head peeking out of her sling while I sat on that bench, looking into that mirror.  She would watch me in the mirror while I combed my hair after a shower and tried covering up my dark circles.

Then she grew to sit on the bed and watch me.

Then she was standing beside me wanting to touch everything I was using.

Now I suppose she can do it on her own.

People constantly refer to how much children observe and soak up.  And I'm well aware of that.  But it never ceases to amaze me.  

I read books with Lucy.  We count, say our colors, and make animal sounds.  She has picked up some.

But here's some things she does well.

• When she finds a piece of paper/wrapper on the ground, she marches into the kitchen and opens the cabinet under the sink, pulls the trash can out, throws away her trash, pushes the trash can back in, and closes the cabinet.  Now we just have to work on the definition of trash. :)
• In the mornings, she goes to the dog food bin, scoops out food and fills it in the bowl...for all 3 dogs.
• When she wants to go outside, she goes and gets her shoes and tries to stick her feet in them.
• When she wants to eat, she'll go to the fridge and wait for you.
• If she finds her nail clippers, she holds them to each of her nails and pretends to clip.
• She'll scratch her daddy's back.
• If she hears the dishwasher open, she comes running and stands at the side and hands me each dish to put away.
• When we get her down after meals, she goes and gets her little miniature broom and sweeps mashes everything in even more.
• She shares her water and snacks with her dolls, she reads to them, and she tucks them in.
• She'll come out of her closet with items of clothing draped around her, proud that she dressed herself. 

None of which I set out to teach her.

This might seem like a list of small, insignificant things.  But together, it's the image of a little girl, not a baby.


I will always try and teach.  But more then anything, I will include her in life.  Not just letting her see, but letting her in.  No matter how much it requires Steven and I to slow down.  We welcome it.  We welcome her efforts and her attempts at contributing to the day to day that is our family.


More than anything Lord, I pray that as she watches me, she'll be led to You.

Figs.

We have a fig tree.

I decided to try and make some almond flour fig newtons.

I thought it would be neat to share the process here.  But it was confirmed why I would make a horrid food blogger.

1.  I'm not the cook.  Steven has the refined palate.  He enjoys cooking.  He is fantastic at it.  Period.  I would survive on cereal, scrambled eggs, and beer.  (Thank you for feeding me honey.)

2.  While I do enjoy the occasional baking, it's never pretty.  Rest assured anything I bake will come out an unusual size with zero uniformity.  Not to mention, Lucy's favorite drawer is the one containing all of our measuring utensils, which then get strewn about in all corners of the house.  Always missing the one I need, things can get interesting.

3.  As I was sliding the tray into the oven, I saw my camera sitting on the counter.  Crap, I forgot to take pictures of 'the process.' Oh well.

But nonetheless, they turned out pretty deliciously and are being consumed for breakfast and completely Lucy approved.

So this:

Became this:

You might ask why there are pumpkins in our kitchen...in July.  We had a surprise pumpkin vine take root after last falls discarded decor.  So, pumpkins in July!


Up next:

Sauce and Salsa!