Happy 10th Old Havana and more about the man behind it...

Today is a big day for my husband.

Today marks the 10^th year of owning and running Old Havana Cigar Company.

And if you're interested, one of my first posts was a little about how he even ended up buying a cigar shop right out of college.  You can read it here.

I don’t know a lot about entrepreneurship…but I know 10 years is a big deal.  Especially considering what the last 4 or so years have been like.

That’s actually part of why Steven is successful.  He doesn’t make excuses…for anything.  If he has a goal, an expectation, a standard, he will achieve it.  Circumstances and situations do not make up who he is.  He has an inner strength and a spirit of perseverance that I have never seen displayed in another human being.

That very strength and perseverance and refusal to make excuses are traits that are woven through his entire life story.  A story I couldn’t possibly pour out here and do any justice to.  But I can tell you it’s one of complete inspiration.

So here is to the sacrifices he made in his youth to be in a position to buy and run a business at age 23.  And to the time, worry, hard work, and heart, poured into keeping it going and growing over the last 10 years.  For how he runs a business, to how he treats others;  I am proud, I am in awe, and I am in love with this man.

Onto a more personal note…

There’s a slightly different reason why I am so proud, in awe, and in love.  A reason that isn’t really seen or understood by anyone except for me, a two year little girl, and a new little life soon to join our family…

Steven,

I have watched over the last 5 years, you learn to work differently.  Certainly not less, but different.

It started with me.  We met, and I heard all these stories of how you were a workaholic and poured everything you had into your shop.  But I watched your schedule, your hours, start to change.  It was to get to know me, to pursue me, all leading up to learn how to be a husband who put his marriage first.

Then, oh my, this little girl was born.  You weren’t going to miss a thing.  I watched you somehow balance more responsibility, working to provide for a growing family while losing my income, all while still making time spent with us a priority.

I don’t envy that responsibility, but I’m completely moved by what you do with it.

And shame on me.  I know there are times when I take it for granted, when I still want to complain about days that end up being longer than planned or work that can’t be left for another day.  But selfishly I simply don’t want to share you with anything.  Maybe if your presence didn’t bring me so much peace and contentment it wouldn’t matter as much!

 

But my prayer for my own heart is that my attitude and actions toward you are more consistent with what’s in my heart.  

And what’s in my heart is that…I know.  I know with every fiber of my being what your priorities are, your family.  Your wife, your children (born, coming soon, and future).  

I am so grateful and so thankful for the man you are.  I’m excited for our children.

Speaking from experience, I know the value of being raised by a father who did whatever necessary to provide for his family, while recognizing that his time was still the greatest gift he could give us.  Never having to question where my importance ranked in my father’s life was an immeasurable gift that I feel beyond blessed that our children will get to experience as well.

I know it’s not always easy, well really never easy, but you make it seem that way.  The lessons our children (and me!) will learn about responsibility and love will be heard loud and clear just by watching you live out your life day by day.  That means more than any list of rules, guidelines, or lectures.  They will see that.

And yes, here we are about to bring another child into our world, and I think you’ve been pulled in more directions than ever.  

But at the end of the day, in the bottom of my heart, I’m not worried.  Because when it comes down to it and if things got to be too crazy, I know you will choose us every time.  Not out of obligation, but out of love. 

 

So know my love, that it’s noticed.  Our togetherness?  It’s noticed.  All the moments you shuffle around to be with us.  That you count those times as joy and not duty.  It’s noticed.  If I need to tell you a hundred times every day, I will.  Because I never want you to think I’m unaware of just how blessed we are and how your love for me is woven into all that you do. 

I see it, feel it, and treasure it and I send it back to you.

Love,

Lindsey

39 Weeks

Just waiting on you baby love.

We're ready...

Dear Lucy {year 2}

Dear Lucy,

Your birthday is tomorrow.  But we'll be heading out-of-town for a special day together.  So I wanted to write you this evening.

It's been a weekend spent together.  The three of us;  Daddy, me, and you.   

A simple weekend.  Every day, common activities; playing in the yard, exploring trails, movie night with popcorn, frozen yogurt, playground outings, backyard grilling.  Simple activities with just the three of us.  But choosing to be aware of one little fact.

You are still my miracle.  This extraordinary miracle that has become this subtle, existence in our ordinary days.

Most moments hit me square in the chest.  Looking you in the eyes while you grin and giggle as you tell me something that is clearly funny.  Watching you take off running and squealing the moment we get outside.  When I see you conquer a new task by yourself.  When you surprise me with a new phrase, spoken clear as day.  Those moments you’re sitting in my lap or we’re lying down together and I rub your smooth little hands and feel like I can’t possibly squeeze you close enough to me.

You, my love, are my miracle.  I still look at you with so much awe and wonder.  I don’t see how that could ever change.

But there are other times.  Times when I let myself think upon the things that don’t matter.  When I choose to throw my own tantrum along side of you.  How quickly I can let myself wallow.

Then even in the midst of those foggy, grumpy days, I’m reminded.

You’ll take my face in your hands, rubbing my cheeks.  You’ll lean forward until the tip of your nose is touching the tip of mine.  Our eyes starting to cross.  You grin, ‘Hey, Mama.’  And I smile, ‘Hey, Lucy.’  You say, ‘kiss’ and then ‘hug’ and then follow it up with an ‘awwwwwwww.’

We continue to go about our day, but now I’m staring again at this miracle that I don’t deserve.

But back to this 2 year business!  If I could pinpoint anything about you that sums up this stage the most, it would be that you are hilarious (and yes, you struggle with whining and constantly pushing boundaries...but mainly you're funny!)  You keep us laughing constantly, and I thank you for that.

Here are a few other things, in case you are curious one day…

• You are still a meat and fruit lover, although lately you have been on somewhat of a yogurt obsession.
• Your vocabulary is amazing, you speak in phrases and some sentences, you can count to 11 (sometimes in the right order), and you recognize your name and will spell out L U C Y.
• You’re starting to sing songs on your own and it is quite possibly the cutest thing my ears have ever heard.  Most frequently; Twinkle little star, Itsy bitsy spider, He’s got the whole world in His hands, and Oh how I love Jesus.
• You love to be helpful.  Helping cook, clean, unload the dishwasher, anything that looks like a responsibility.
• You’re still sleeping in your big girl bed beautifully.
• You still love wearing your panties at home, but we put a diaper on for outings. 
• You are very much fascinated with predators.  Alligators/Crocodiles, bears, lions, etc.  You can’t get enough.  Your favorite things to watch are documentaries and YouTube videos about Crocodiles.
• You are very nurturing with your dolls.  You like to change them, feed them, rock them, read to them, and put them to bed.  If it wasn’t for this, I might be concerned with the above mentioned…
• You like to dance.  And quite frankly, I’m impressed with your moves.  I think you might have gotten your rhythm from me, but most certainly, your coordination has come from your father.
• At night before bed, you now want to read your own books.  I could listen to your sweet, high little voice forever.
• When we talk to Jesus, you’ve started interjecting your own thoughts.  Usually it’s a list of names; family, friends, classmates.  Sometimes an object or food item.  No matter what, you love to end with a very passionate, ‘AAAAAMen!’
• Your memory astounds me!  Whether it’s recognizing and pointing out cars of our friends and family (which I don’t notice very often), or remembering a routine after being shown it one time and a week ago.
• And your laugh.  You have the greatest laugh, several of them actually.  Along with more facial expressions then I can keep up with. 
• A phrase I hear more than any other these days, “No, Mama! I do it!”  And most of the time, you can do it.  It’s a pleasure watching you become more independent and to see your confidence and abilities multiply.  It’s also been just another way I get to practice patience and grace… :)

Lucy, I could list a hundred more bullet points.  And truthfully, I’m not the best at documenting things like that…the specifics.  Things you say and do that I can check off.  I see you more as this continuous being, constantly growing and changing and the lines and boundaries around who you are and what you’re learning are constantly blurring and growing as well.  The details happen with my camera in hand.

Tonight we’re going to get in bed and go to sleep.  A couple of hours before the sun rises, you will turn two.  Two years marked on this earth.  Two years since my view of myself and of your father and of life, were changed forever in the most spectacular way.  Two years of new challenges and struggles.  Two years of the most tangible form of joy and love I’ve ever known.

So...to my 25 lb, 34 inch, size 6 shoe, 2T wearing, looks and acts like her daddy, ticklish and expressive like her mama, uniquely, perfectly, and wonderfully made Lucy Pearl…Happy Birthday.

And my dear?  We are about to start a marvelous new adventure together…

Love,
Mama

38 Weeks

Dear my darling second baby,

My mind, my thoughts, my heart…constantly stirring.

Trying to formulate some tangible image of what it actually looks like to be ready to receive a new life into our established little world.  Silly really, I know better.  It doesn’t work that way.

Yes, our supplies are gathered and organized.  But to have some notion that all emotions, projects, and worries will be checked off and wrapped up neatly before you arrive?  Hardly!  That is a peace and place of contentment that can’t be constructed by my own attempts, but by choosing to receive it from my Savior.  A promise from Him that I too often forget.

Yesterday a group of dear women, fairly new in my life, prayed over you and me.  I felt light and lifted for the rest of the day.  I didn’t realize how much I needed it, the simple confession of need and the receiving of prayer.

It’s a bad habit I’m afraid I developed.  This subconscious tightening around myself, as if I’m holding my breath whenever a lot is weighing on my mind.  When here my entire life I’ve been surrounded by love and support and people willing to shoulder it with me.  It’s such a gift and a blessing you get to be born into.

So as I’m choosing to trust God’s grace and provision for what mothering a 2 year old and newborn will look like, I’m reminded of a few things.

If I’ve learned anything in the two short years of being a mother, it’s that while tips and books and guidelines and advice are nice and can be very helpful, mothering is relational.  For me, it was getting to know your sister that shaped how I mothered her.

And so it will be with you.  I look forward to getting to know you and letting that help shape the changes that will happen as our family grows from 3 to 4.   

I will be holding you soon my love.

Love,

Mama

37 Weeks

Dear my 2nd little one,

It’s March.  

A month that holds the first nod towards longer days.  It holds the official start of Spring.  This year it even holds the beloved Easter holiday, the celebration of the resurrection of our Savior.

What else…

Your father celebrates 10 years of entrepreneurship and all the hard work and perseverance that entails.   

Your sister turns 2.  This crazy, smart, beautiful 2 year old toddler-girl, little person. 

And you know what else baby?  We get to meet you. 

This month.  The month of March.  We get to meet you.

There’s a lot going on right now.  Enough to where my mind seems to be constantly running towards something.  I know we’re ready.  Our supplies are gathered and organized and ready to go.  But I guess I just imagined these final weeks would be a calendar cleared, peaceful, contemplative wait for your arrival.  Like our little family of three could exit life for the remaining weeks and hunker down in a cozy cabin in the woods, with no calendar, no clock, no tracking of time.  Just waiting for you.   

That’s not exactly reality right now.  And I’m becoming okay with that.  

Because the truth is, your arrival has already been planned.  Planned since the beginning of time.  The where, the when, the how?  Already planned and known by the Creator.  A good and perfect Creator, with good and perfect timing.

So I surrender control.  I clear my heart of worry and clutter and circumstance and I wait.   

I will patiently and peacefully wait for you. 

Here’s to a month of new, and a see you soon.

Love, 

Mama