4 Years

Dreaming, creating, imagining our future.   

I like to keep his head in the clouds.

Discipline, hard work, planning for our future.   

He likes to keep my feet on the ground.

Was there ever a better pair then a Dreamer and a Doer??

Thank you honey...for choosing me to build a life with.

Thank you for the pure contentment I live in daily.

Thank you for a future I'm excited about.

Strawberries and a little girl

 Lucy,

You are my fruititarian.  There's not a fruit you've met that you haven't loved.  You rotate who takes on the leading role, but they all have a turn.

It was strawberry time, so we headed to a strawberry farm.

With a bucket in hand, you took off sauntering down the aisles.  Never more than 3 or 4 strawberries full, the rest filled your cheeks and covered your shirt.

I could not stop staring at you.

Not just because you looked like you had just slaughtered a live animal, but because I was staring at a little girl.

I'm constantly amazed at how frequently you change and grow.  Your hair's getting longer.  You share stories and can talk about your day now.  But I'll have these moments where it all hits me at once.

Standing in those strawberry fields was one of those times.

I kept telling your dad, 'Look at her!  Just look at that little girl!'

My funny, kind-hearted, spirited little girl.

 

The kiss of death

She wanted to simply blow it a kiss.

She got distracted by the amount of saliva produced.

 He couldn't inch away fast enough...

Sisters: Grocery List

 

She wanted to help make a grocery list.  We are out of some of her favorites.  So she starts naming:

booberries

strawerries

gapes

waffles

We continue to take turns naming things off for our list.  She suddenly looks up at me with eyes wide. She had thought of the most important thing.  She shouts, "more Lulah!"

Yes, I think we could all use some more Lulah...

Dear Lulah {month one}

Dear Lulah,

One month.

I haven't cracked open a baby book since you've been born. I don't know what size you are 'supposed' to be or what milestones you should be achieving.

But here's what I do know Lulah Grey...

You are ten pounds and you smile.  The mouth wide open, whole face kind of smile.  You nurse great and it's one of my favorite times with you.  You spit-up.  A lot.  A good portion of the time.  We do a lot of laundry.  And that's okay.  Your grunts literally sound like we have a billy goat living in our house.  When you are awake in my arms and looking up at me, I can almost feel you trying to take in every sight and sound with your entire being.  Your eyes swallow my soul.  It's also been a month of re-strengthening those baby carrying muscles. A month of becoming re-accustom to the heat that one little body produces when they are almost permanently attached to you. A month of letting myself fall into the rhythm of just listening to my body and responding to yours. It's been taking a deep breath and smiling as I cringe because big sister typically greets you every morning with a cough in your face and a poke to your eyeball showing me that your eyes are open. It's been learning to discipline a two year old while you nurse in my arms. It's been a glimpse of a sister friendship that excites my heart.

I know that this has been the sweetest month of my life.

You are so peaceful that it can't help but spill over. And it affects our household. I see it when your daddy holds you and I see it when your sister lights up at your presence.

We are so far from having it all together as a family of four.  But that's not what I'm really striving for.

We're just letting your little life, your sweet and gentle soul, change us.

When it comes down to it, I'm just not scared this go around.  Scared that I won't be enough or do it right.  That I can't change and be stretched into a better person.

Because I know, and am always having to remind myself, that I don't have to.

God's grace and provision never fails.  In my weakness, His power works best.

That's what I go back to.

That sustains me more than any book on parenting

Your sister turned my world upside down.  She brought me closer to my Savior.  She taught me to love Him more.  She taught me how to love your daddy better.

God used her warmth and light to start pounding out the selfish in me so that I could experience the fruit of selfless love.

And while you will certainly aide in furthering that process...

I'm getting a taste of that sweetness with you.

Love,

Mama

Introducing Lulah Grey

Lulah Grey,

People have asked about your name.

It first came up a few years ago in a casual conversation with my mom about baby names.  I said I liked the name Tallulah, and would want to call her Lulah.  So my mom, being a teacher, said why don’t you name the child what you want to call her.  And I thought, yes, Lulah is pretty awesome.

It sounds so melodic to me.  Like a song rolling off your tongue.

I was a teenager when I first heard Grey used as a name.  I liked it a lot, but really just filed it away somewhere in my mind.  

When I started trying out names with Lulah, it jumped out as a front runner.  For me, Grey brings with it a sense of quiet peace and warmth.  Like a knit blanket, hot cup of coffee, and a good book.    

Lulah Grey, a beautiful song grounded by peaceful warmth.

I will write about your amazing entrance soon.  But today, I just wanted to celebrate your first week.

• You officially have your own perfect little belly button.  The cord fell off last night.
• Nursing is going beautifully {Praise! Praise! Praise!}. And I’m excited to get to treasure those quiet moments instead of the uphill battle I had to conquer with your sister.
• I baked some banana bread today.  In case you’re wondering, that’s pretty awesome for week one.
•  Lucy is adjusting wonderfully.  She starts her mornings running to the couch, climbing up in the corner and stretching her arms out saying, ‘I hold you, I hold you.’ 

She’s smitten alright!

We all are.

Lulah, while you were growing in my belly I loved you.  But it was more this fascination and curious kind of love at the idea of a new little person I would meet soon.  Someone already picked out perfectly for our family.

Then you arrived in my arms.  And I spent the next couple of days in complete and utter awe and amazement.  I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the perfection in my arms.

Just one week of getting to know you my dear and I have fallen deeply, madly, and completely IN love with you.  

And I want to tell you a secret…

You pretty much had everyone thinking you were going to be a boy.

And yes, this pregnancy, the way I carried, the way I felt, was different then your sister.  I was almost convinced myself.  But there was this one thing that I couldn’t shake.  Something that wouldn’t let me narrow in on having a boy just yet.  It’s something that I never told anyone, not even your father.  I don’t think I trusted what happened.

Last February, your sister was about to turn one, and I thought I might have been pregnant.  It would have been way sooner than we had initially planned on, but how could I not get excited!  When it was finally time to take a test, it was negative.  I wasn’t pregnant.  Relief mixed with remorse.  I decided to strap Lucy in her wrap and take a walk, while I worked through my thoughts.  She fell asleep almost instantly and I just kept looking at her, knowing I needed more time with just her, but trying to figure out why I felt a sense of loss with just the thought that I might have been already growing a new baby and wasn’t.

Then I heard it.  Or felt it really, a whisper in my heart.

THIS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN LULAH.

I was instantly washed in peace and smiled through a few tears running down my face.

I would wait, resting in God's timing, for my Lulah.

Lulah had been a name option for when Lucy was born, but when we met her we knew she was Lucy.

And then I knew Lucy would have a sister named Lulah.

Typically I would have loved to rush home and share a story like that, but something made me want to tuck it inside.  My own magical secret.  Or maybe I didn’t quite trust what I had just experienced, being comforted by my Lord.

But I never stopped dreaming about the day when I would share that experience with you.  

My sweet Lulah, promised to me on a wintery walk.

I will write more soon, there’s too much love I want to get down in print.

Love,

Mama

Thank you Mama...

Before the pictures start piling up, and the stories are written, and these first days become a blur as our new normal becomes true reality...I wanted to write a note to my Mama.

A thank you note, even though thank you doesn't quite express it all.

Like any loving Nana, the emotion and excitement and energy of a new grandchild can be overwhelming.  But even with that overwhelming love, my Mama remains a Mama first.

Arriving 30 minutes after Lulah's entry into this world, she quietly soaked in the magic and miracle of the moment, and then her true nature set in.

For the next 5 days, she served.

Steven and I were blessed by her cooking, cleaning, and her nurturing.  But it was her sensitivity to my little family that meant the most.  Her ability to read the situation and know when she needed to entertain the two year old so that daddy, baby, and me could rest and snuggle in safety and quiet.  But then knowing when this mama here, needed to be alone with just my new family of 4 and she would quietly remove herself from the room.

There are just those times when only my Mama will do.

And it's these times when I'm reminded all over again how blessed I am to have family that know how to circle the wagons.  Their presence never ceases to wash me in peace and the type of love that allows me to just BE, with no expectations.  And when all my energy is needed to pour into this new little life, those relationships mean more to me then ever.

So when I look at my girls, I only hope that one day as they become wives and then mothers, I will be there to help them ease through the transition with the love, grace, and wisdom I have received from my mother.

Thank you Mama for making this first week as a mother of two, surprisingly refreshing and restful!

I'm forever grateful for your servant's heart.