Dear Lucy,
I had planned on continuing to write you a weekly letter once you were born. You are now 5 weeks old. Whoops. But you see, it would have required me to put you down and stop staring at you and I haven't been able to do that. I did write a detailed birth story for you that I will share some time. It was amazing. I was told natural labor is like a marathon, and you have 9 months to train. You thought I should run 3 marathons. Contractions starting Wednesday morning on March 9th at 4am and you finally making an appearance Friday March 11th at 5:35am. But man did you come out wide eyed and ready to meet the world. And you haven't been rushed since. You have been such a content happy baby and perfect in every way.
Me, your Mama, on the other hand... What a roller coaster it's been. I had no idea I could cry so much and half the time not even really know why. I mean, your cries don't even hold a candle to mine! And I definitely have you beat in frequency. But how do you know how you will respond when your world is turned every which way for the first time ever? I had such a wonderful time being pregnant with you that I didn't understand all the talk of the crazy hormones...until now. Oh, and the fact that I've been nursing a Piranha for the last month didn't really help the situation either (don't worry, we're getting much better at it!) But your dad, Praise God, is the most incredible man. First, you should have seen him during the labor. He never left my side, and I would have crumbled if he had. He was my strength. Literally, I leaned, hugged, and held on to him for 50 hours. He was meeting all my needs and sometimes it felt like he sensed a contraction coming before I even felt it begin. My heart just swells knowing that he is going to be that kind of strength for you when you go through your own challenges in life. And boy is he obsessed with you! He's crazy about you girl! Total in awe, giddy, bursting with pride, can't stop smiling and laughing in love. And get ready. Speaking from experience, there is nothing like being loved by a dad who finds tremendous joy in being your father.
And then there's family. I pray your dad and I will blanket you with the same love and support and HELP, I've received from my family. Your Nana and Papa call it "circling the wagons." I needed help, so no questions asked, family was there. Circling me with support and encouragement and love (and cooking and cleaning!). To know you're in a family that will protect you and support you by any means necessary is a blessing that I'm thankful you will know too.
Ultimately though, I had to crawl into the arms of my God. A place that I want you to know intimately. It's a place that at times in my life I thought I moved away from, but looking back realize I was always in His grasp. In the last few weeks, there have been quiet times when it's just me holding you and sitting with our God. Lucy, alway make time to quietly sit with Him.
Your birth was an out-of-body, internal revelation all at the same time. But my transformation has been since you've arrived. Postpartum has been a challenge, a physical, emotional, and mental challenge. But every day I'm breaking through a fog and I realize my faith is stronger then the day before. God has been refining me and molding me. I remember praying on my wedding day and while you were inside me that God would teach me truly how to love selflessly. That's what I'm learning. I'm so thankful for you, this miraculous person, whose needs mean so much more than my own. My biggest struggle has been looking at you this perfect baby that the Lord gave me and then wondering why I was the one so weak and broken. A loved one reminded me though that God chose you Lucy to be mine. I am fully equipped to be your mother and God delights in seeing us together. It was such a great reminder that the most important thing is for me to always seek God and love Him with all my heart, period. Baby girl, God has already used you to bring me closer to Him. What a gift. I prayed every day that even while you were in the womb God would fill you with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You are five weeks old and I seriously can already see these fruits in you. I'm not kidding!
Lucy means light. In the mornings you like when I sing
This Little Light of Mine. Lucy I know your light is going to shine. Only 5 weeks old and God has already worked through you. I am filled with intense peace and joy when I think about all I'm going to learn while I watch you grow. What I hope you learn from me? Love. Love the Lord your God with all your heart. Love your family unconditionally. Love God's creation and all who are in it. And love yourself because you, Lucy Pearl, are fearfully and wonderfully made. You don't believe me?
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You're unbelievable kid.
Love,
Mama
