18 Weeks

Little One,

You're 18 weeks today.

I wish I had something exciting to tell you about today.  But I'm afraid the only big event was that I washed and dried a load of Lucy's clothes with what I think was a crayon,  everything was covered with bright waxy residue.  Your dad did a little research and was able to rescue the situation.  All clothes were returned to their original state.

We did have a midwife appointment on Wednesday.  It went well.  It's still pretty early, so most of the appointment is just talking about how I'm feeling and continuing to make sure I'm taking care of myself, which is then taking care of you.

I shared something that I hope you don't take the wrong way.  I'm still having a hard time connecting.  I keep forgetting you are in there!  And it's starting to weigh heavy on me.

Here's what she told me...

I'm a different woman this time.  When I was pregnant with Lucy, I wasn't a mother yet.  Being a mother who is pregnant, is different.  I have a child walking around outside of me now, and it's true that it feels like my heart now lives outside of me as well.  Your sister consumes me in the most wonderful way.  So while you are nestled inside, still too small for me to feel or hear your heartbeat with the fetal stethoscope, you're still a part of me.

But here's what makes this a wonderful thing.  I'm not just fantasizing about being a mother this time, I am a mother.  So I know what it feels like to almost explode from love when you look at this baby in your arms that was just inside of you.  And to be amazed at how that love somehow grows even stronger as you watch them grow and get to know who they are.

So my precious 2nd baby, what a day your birthday will be!  I promise to keep taking care of myself, loving on our little family, and looking forward to the day you will change my life forever.

Keep growing!

Love,
Mama