It's time...

So I came across this poem, that quite frankly blew me away. It's by no means the greatest poem ever written. But it was a moment where the timing was so right and the words were so appropriate, I have no way around believing, and full heartily accepting, that this was a message straight from the Creator himself! Although it doesn't take much to convince me when it comes to signs of the universe all around us :)

For now, I'll get straight to the poem, and then explain why it meant so much…

The Journey
by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life that you could save.

I am a middle child as well as an introvert, not to mention a dreamer. This combination already sets me up to be a big ball of complexity! I long to travel and live in so many beautiful places, yet I love being home and surrounded by my family. I live for adventure and trying new things, yet I settle in my comfort zone in the safe security of my scheduled everyday life. The dueling desires can be quite exhausting! My head and heart are in a constant swirl of finding a balance between wanting to change the world and live huge but still reveling in the peace of sitting with my husband and talking over a cup of coffee.

So where does this poem enter in?

All through college, I was able to accomplish so many dreams. It seemed like there was nothing holding me back. Sure some people can say I wasn't living in the 'real world,' but nonetheless, there were no limits. Well, afterwards I'm not quite sure what happen, except for the reality of, you need a job that pays the bills. Then that comfort zone sneaks in and then starts the evil waves of self doubt, insecurity, and the many many excuses of why this is as good as it gets and you have no choice but to stay where you are. But here I am 25 years old and I still dream about what I want to do when I grow up!

I still have many dreams and goals and skills I want to pursue. Ideas of how I could make a living and have the life I want. The world needs people that have come alive and love what they do. I owe that to myself and I owe that to Steven, who is so loving and supportive and willing to help me find that. I feel like I've been on the verge of taking the leap and finding out what I'm meant to do for quite some time and reading that poem was just that last little nudge I needed. I'm so ready to be living at my max potential! So I've reached my "One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began,..."

But it's just the beginning. Part of being an introvert is that I'm always in my head thinking and analyzing and I will have to fight off the self doubt and insecurity, "though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice..." And they will try to convince me that there are other things I need to take care of and this is probably never going to happen. And watching the news only sends the message that you'd be crazy to venture out on anything in this economy, who would leave a stable job just to be happy?? But I know it's worth whatever ripples it creates , "though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. 'Mend my life!' each voice cried. But you didn't stop..."

So I will keep walking in that direction, and I will start now. "It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones." So yes, it is scary and wild to walk into the unknown. But it IS already late enough, how much longer can I just sleep???

And then to the part that makes it all worth it. Saying no to the message from Satan that you can't do it and it's not worth it. "But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,..." My own voice, I will truly become authentic. My own true taste, free from the flavor of anyone else! I will follow my heart and settle for nothing less. And that is how I feel I can give my best to Steven. It's like my dad always says, "the Lord wants only good and perfect things for us." HE wants us to have joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, kindness, compassion and faith. Well, I found that in waiting for Steven and I trust that the Lord will provide the same in pursuing everything else! I greatly look forward to the journey.

So here's to pursuing what makes us happy! Life is too short to not do what you love.