21 Months

My Lucy,

You are 21 months old today.  Nothing particularly exciting or noteworthy about turning 21 months, except for the fact that the days of you being my only child are dwindling and you will soon be my 2 year old first born.  Perhaps being slap in the middle of the Christmas season has also made me a bit more sentimental.  So yes, I guess 21 months is a big deal!

Lucy I feel like things are constantly changing between us.  Changing in good, exciting, and challenging ways.  Your ability to learn new things never ceases to amaze me.  From the simple things like putting your own clothes and shoes on, to accomplishing new words, phrases, and meanings on a daily bases.  Your colors are down pat and you know several new numbers.  Just yesterday I wrote down your name on a coloring sheet and you squealed and pointed to it and said, “Lucy!”.  You like to point out the letters, Y, C, and S when you see them and name them correctly.  You can speak in phrases now and it has been such a joy to truly communicate with you these days.  Even the marathon vocabulary quizzes you like to give me make me smile.  You seem so eager to spill everything in your little head to me, and you’re so close baby girl.  Most of the time you are equal parts excited at all this new stuff you can do and say, and frustrated that you can’t yet do and say it all.  You’re so close.

You also gave me an unexpected gift.  I will only have 1 child at a time in diapers.  Thank you.  Lucy, while we are at home, you are fully potty trained.  I really do not feel like potty trained is the correct term.  I didn’t do anything.  You simply decided you would rather use the potty than a diaper.  So now I stay on the hunt for little bitty panties to fit your little tiny hiney.  I used to laugh about how your pants only fit you when you wear your cloth diapers because disposable diapers didn’t add enough padding.  Well good gracious!  Besides shopping for 18 month panties, I’m going to have to start looking for suspenders and belts.  Oh Lucy…my tiny little big girl. 

So about those challenging changes I was referring to...  

You’re growing, you’re stretching, you’re testing.  You want to know how far you can go and how much you can control; from getting dressed (and staying dressed), to the bedtime routine, to staying seated at the dinner table, to getting strapped into the car seat.  These normal, routine activities can erupt into full on battles with no warning.  Do you want to know a secret Lucy?  I’m growing, stretching, and being tested right along with you.  As much as you’re struggling to figure out how to become this new little person, I’m struggling to learn how to help guide you correctly.  I am constantly praying that God will teach me how to love and discipline with grace and patience, the way He has loved and guided me.  And Lucy, I don’t always respond correctly.  I’m learning too.

But I’ll tell you what I do know.  I know that I love you too much to not give you boundaries.  I love you too much to simply let you always have your way because it’s easier than having you throw a fit.  I love you too much to not discipline you even though I hate seeing your feelings hurt or your bottom lip quiver.  Lucy, I love you unconditionally.  Unconditional yes, but perfectly?  No.  That my dear, comes from your Creator.  The One who is always gracious and faithful.  And that is who all of my efforts hope to point you to.  It is His wisdom I want to teach you.  It is His ways I want you to follow.  I want God to simply use me to help guide you to be exactly who He created you to be.

I don’t really have a how-to list for exactly how that is supposed to go!  So again, Lucy I’m learning as well.  I will never pretend to be perfect for you, as I will never expect perfection from you.  Thank you though.  Thank you for being a vessel that God has used to continue to mold me more and more into His own image.  

With all that said.  I have just a few more thoughts about this month that we are in.  

 December.   

The month of Christmas.  

I’ve been praying a lot and talking to your dad about how exactly we’re going to do Christmas in our home.  And really, I’m excited.  Your dad and I have never put a lot of thought into whether our lifestyle decisions appear to be the norm or not.  And I don’t suppose we’ll start now.  Many of our new traditions will start to unfold in the coming years as you get older and our family grows.  But I can tell you what my heart is bursting to share with you.  Christmas is about the birth of a child, born to be our Savior.  The only gift that lasts an eternity.  I want us to be a family who can sit down and write a list of the things that we already have and have us completely forget about writing out a list of things we want.  I want us to get excited about giving and serving, because that would be a fitting birthday gift for Jesus.  I want us to enjoy all the fellowship and festivities that come along with this month, but yet fight with urgency the tendency for those very things to accidentally steal the joy of the season.  We will not let this time rush by us without the quiet pauses taken to reflect on the excitement and anticipation of what really happened on Christmas morning over 2,000 years ago.

And once again Lucy, I don’t know exactly what all of this will look like!  But I’ve been talking to Jesus about it a lot and I know He will lead us if we just keep our eyes on Him.

There is so much to celebrate!

Lucy Pearl, you bring so much joy and laughter and love into my life.

Love,
Mama