Our evenings...

Evenings should be like this.

Sitting in his and her chairs, but not facing a TV.

Out on the back porch.

Lit by a string of lights.

Just enough to read his newest issue of Mother Earth News, and me to scribble down some thoughts.

The sun has only been gone for a little while.  We watch as the back yard darkens and the only thing visible past the slanted tin roof overhead is the dangling limbs of our cherry blossom, heavy with blooms.

We read, we talk, we discuss...we dream.

From something I just read:

Fear and despair creep their way into everyone's life.  They overtake our daily decisions without our even noticing, smothering our imagination...unless we take the time to dream.  Dreaming about what we truly want for our homes, for our families, for our land and communities, and for our time is the best antidote I know for fear and despair.  Each time we reflect on what we most want in our lives, we are pushed to examine the barriers that are keeping us from our dreams.  And each time we examine and express them, the barriers grow a tiny bit weaker, the dreams grow a tiny bit more clear. ~Shannon Hayes

Steven and I are so different in so many ways.  But as far as what we want for our future and our family, we are on the same page.  That is something I treasure, and do not want to ever take for granted.  We love to dream.  Yes we dream differently, we approach those dreams differently, we express them differently.  Steven dreams, and get out of his way!  He's on the move.  I dream, and I write a really long journal entry about it, take a hundred pictures of the process, and then imagine what my kids and grandkids will think about it when they read it in 50 years :)

Different, yes.  But oh we have dreams.  Great dreams.  And spending the time talking about them sends such joyful, electric energy through me.  Such a beautiful picture is painted.

Looking out our back porch, into the future, we both see land; fields, old trees, some sort of water.  We see a small chicken coop.  We see a goat, some lambs, maybe some horses one day.  We see a little studio shed for me.  A work shed for him.  Our vegetable garden is bigger.  I have an area of nothing but wild flowers and anything that strikes my fancy, fenced for protection from our four-legged children.  Land that will be explored by our children, lots of children, living out a Huck Finn childhood. Land walked a million times by our family.  A home that while not huge, will be filled with character and love and simplicity.  A place where we will be able to give back, however that may be.  We see it.  We're not afraid of our hands getting dirty and our backs being sore, or even learning to remain joyful while discouraged.  We see it.

Here's the best part of that dream.  There's not a rushed sense of urgency.  There's this peace with this dream of ours.

My husband.  He's been putting the 'do' behind my dreams since we met.  He's amazing.  It flows out of him so naturally, this ability to turn a dream into motion.  Into achievable steps, into action.  So there's no sense of longing that usually comes with something you know you'll never get.

I know we'll get there.

There's so much peace that comes with that.  And that allows me the freedom to fully embrace and love where we are. 

I believe God has given us our desires and our dreams.  I look forward to achieving them for His glory.  To see what He teaches us, how we grow, how we can give back to Him.

But I also believe God uses every season of our lives and I don't want to miss out on the lessons and joy a part of this one.

I have never felt more child-like in front of God, than after the birth of my own child.  I have stayed at His feet, wanting to learn, to grow, to be comforted, to be groomed, to be loved.  I already know I will always look back at this time with great affection.  A time of complete vulnerability, humility, and faith.  So many things have shifted in my heart and my perception of who I am in God's eyes.  He is molding me.  He is challenging me.  He is strengthening me.  Because He loves me, more deeply than I can truly comprehend and He wants my life filled with genuine joy and peace.

So I've mentioned I've married a doer.  An organized productive, efficient doer.  I'm not sure any of those adjectives would be used to define me.  So it's been a challenge for me to bring my head knowledge and heart's passion of wanting to be this Radical Homemaker into fruition.  One evening I found myself in a tearful discussion of how I want to do so much more for our house and as a wife and as a mother but I just keep seeming to miss the mark.  Then I basically continued on with a list of excuses.  Here's what my husband said to me, "Having a lot of land and having a lot of kids is going to be a lot of work.  So now is the time to figure it out."

It wasn't critical, it wasn't mean, it wasn't judgemental.  It was wise.

So yes, we have a beautiful, exciting, challenging dream.  A dream that will be achieved.  But until then I will squeeze every drop of love, joy, and lessons from where we are now.

Praise God for His wisdom and His timing.  May I never lose sight of the ultimate goal.  To glorify God in all that I do.  To walk the path He has chosen for me.  To seek Him above all.  No dream, no desire is possible without Him.  Without Him, there is no life.

Thank you Lord for the view from our back porch.  Our little back yard that we groomed as newlyweds.  The backyard where we planted our first garden.  The first backyard our little girl gets to explore.