12 Weeks

Dear 2^nd Baby,

I thought awhile about how to address you in your letters.

I wanted to differentiate your letters from the ones I wrote to your sister while she was the one growing in my belly.  At first I was afraid calling you the ‘second baby’ would make you seem less important, second best.  How silly am I!  

I am a second born.  And it is a beautiful place to be.

I too, have an older sister.  And I can assure you that Lucy will take the big sister task as seriously as my sister did.  There is so much comfort and strength that comes from having someone walk ahead of you.  But not just anyone, someone whose friendship will span you entire life.  Someone who will have more memories intertwined with yours than anyone you will ever know.

You will learn a lot from your sister, as I’m sure she will from you.

So yes, you are my 2^nd baby!  And what a blessing that is.

The physical 1^st trimester experience has been pretty similar to my last.  My thoughts however, have been on a completely different journey this go around.  

It’s taking a lot longer to really sink in.  And it isn’t as much about the novelty of what it will be like to have and hold a baby.  I’m just flat out excited to meet you and find out what little person is being formed in me this time.  

I know that this time around my world won’t be turned upside down, the way it seems to happen with the first baby.  But you my love, will stretch and grow my world to even new and better and wonderful places.

I look forward to being able to share more and more of my heart with you and your sister.  But here’s a little piece of it I’d like to share now…

I fell in love with backpacking.

I’ve backpacked throughout the Southeast, Northern Minnesota, Montana, and Alaska.  

I’ve spent weekends, weeks, and months in wilderness.  Some places with trails, some without.

Here’s what drew me in.

There’s the physical pain and discomfort that you then transcend and your body becomes stronger and more capable then you ever thought possible.  There’s the peace and tranquility and healthy fear of being in a place where there is nothing made by man.  The sights, the sounds, the smells, are all designed and placed there directly by God.  There’s the self satisfaction of carrying everything you need to live and survive on right there on your back. 
 

You take all that, mix it together and you have a ball of challenging simplicity.  That’s what did me in

The simplicity of it all.  You wake up, pack up, move one foot in front of the other, reach your destination, set up camp, cook over a fire, enjoy a meal that directly feeds a tired and hard-worked body,  you breath in your surroundings, and you go to bed, and start over with the sun.  Simplicity.

That might sound horrible to some people!  But even with such a simple routine, every day was different.  New sights, new challenges, new goals met.  You could take your time, or push through it.  I would feel more pride and fulfillment and sense of accomplishment and purpose during those times.  And it would be such a confusing adjustment to come back to a world where a day spent running errands or checking of lists and ‘accomplishing’ 1,000 different tasks, seemed like I wasn’t doing anything.

I tell you all that, because that is how I feel about being a mother.

Yes, there are so many elements and responsibilities and tasks that make up motherhood.  But deep, deep in the core of my heart, my goal is simple.

To love my children the way Christ has loved me.  To live so that when you look to me, you turn to Jesus.

I’m not called to perfection.  And sweet baby, I am not!  I’m not very organized, or efficient, or even very productive at times.  Yes, these things are important and I will always be striving to be better.  

But that’s not what drives my calling to be a mother.

And let me clarify that simple does not equal easy.  It’s quite often the very opposite.  It’s not the easy that I’m after, just the simplifying.

There will be plenty of challenges, and valleys and mountain tops, and obstacles.  There are with your sister and I know there will be with you, learning to become a family of four.

But I look at Lucy, and I think of you and the simplicity of it all steals my heart over and over.  It’s what allows motherhood to bring peace, and joy, and satisfaction even amidst all the chaos and my shortcomings.

Baby, I will love you.  I will love you unconditionally, I will love you with patience, and I will love you with joy.

Not because I’m this great mother.  But because that is how I am loved by our God.   

I am not perfect.  You will see me fail and grow many times, but HE teaches me patience and joy when I have none.  And forgives… always.  

That’s what I want to offer you.  

That’s the first part of my heart I wanted to share.  I am not and will never be perfect, and child, neither will you be! 

But I serve, and we are loved by a perfect God.  

So take comfort, and grow my sweet baby.

Love,
Mama

29...

I turned 29 today.

Steven and I have talked a lot about how we want to approach birthdays and holidays in our family.

We don't want our children to think that it's about how big or how many gifts are received.  But it's a great time to reflect on how much we do have, and what is really important.

Quality time is more than I could ever ask for.

That's exactly what I got today from my little family.

And a few other things as well :)

I woke up to this...

And this... :)

We went out to breakfast and then headed to the DMV to renew my license.

This wasn't originally on the schedule until my husband noticed last night that my license expires today.  A question I hear quite often from his, "What would you do without me?"


I don't even know my love, I don't even know.


But 30 minutes, pleasant workers, and a Lucy greeting to everyone in the building and we were out of there.

Then home for a nap and some lounging.

After some rest, Steven suggested we head to an antique market.  What?!?  Heck ya!

Lucy was ready.

We found this fun toy.

And Steven finally bought me a goat...

Not quite.

Then it was off to downtown to a local bakery where we had a little treat and I picked out my cake for tonight. (This was mainly because my niece was very concerned that Uncle Steven would NOT get me a cake and you HAVE to have a cake on your birthday!)

I chose a strawberry cake.  It was INCREDIBLE.

Then back home to watch a movie.

It was a great day. 

There were some more errands thrown in there, and other normal day things.  But Steven, Lucy, and I spent the entire day together, every minute.  It's amazing how the simplest, most mundane things become fun.

What's even more amazing is that these days spent completely together are not even saved for special occasions.  They happen pretty frequently.

Lord, may I never take these days for granted.

Yes, it was a great day.

That's really all I can say.  I'm afraid if I try to express any more, the amount of gratitude and humble amazement at all that is in my life will turn me into a weepy pile of mush on my keyboard.

My friends, my family, my husband, my little girl, the baby being formed inside of me now.

It's the stuff I dreamed about as a little girl, yet it's all more than I ever imagined or deserve.

Love, joy, and gratitude.  This is what I'm sending back into the Universe.

 

Brad Dunagan for Tax Commissioner!

My Papa is running for tax commissioner in Hall County.  If you live there...he IS the person to vote for.

I wish it was as simple as that.

It's kind of weird when people you love run for things.  It's so obvious to me that my father is qualified.  And he's kind, honest, wise, and full of integrity.  Therefore, it should be obvious to everyone else.  And if all of that is obvious, then of course he will be the person elected.  Right?  Again, how simple would that be.

His campaign was never about how much money was spent on signs and billboards and advertising.  To me, it seems a little silly to run for tax commissioner and spend 20 or 30 or 40,000 dollars {or more} to get there.  My father just wanted to meet people.  To talk with them, get to know them, and let them get to know him.  It's the way I wish more campaigns were done.

It really isn't because he's my father that I want you to vote for him, but because he is my father I can say with 100% certainty he is the best candidate for the position.  I can tell you that he has more patience than anyone I know.  He responds to any circumstance with wisdom and logic.  He is fair and humble.  He values people.  That's the stuff you don't see on resumes.  And that's also the stuff that separates being simply, a qualified candidate, to being exactly who you would want serving your county.

But here's what I really love about my father.  He serves someone much bigger.  Someone that is always in control.  Someone who has written the tiny details and the greater picture.  Because of my father's faith in the Heavenly Father, there is peace in the uncertainty.  When you believe the Lord works everything towards the good, and you are open to serve the Lord however and wherever He sees fit, there is joy, not fear, in taking a risk.  And that's what my father believes.

So elected or not, Brad Dunagan will still rest in the Lord.  He will still look to Him for guidance.  His future is still in His hands.  And my father will still count each day a blessing.

But just so you know Hall, you'd be one lucky county to have Brad Dunagan serve you.

Learning

This morning I was in the bathroom washing my face and brushing my teeth.

I came out and saw this.

She looked up and smiled at me, and then continued "getting ready" herself. 

I thought about how many times in those early months she would be strapped to me, curled up with just her little head peeking out of her sling while I sat on that bench, looking into that mirror.  She would watch me in the mirror while I combed my hair after a shower and tried covering up my dark circles.

Then she grew to sit on the bed and watch me.

Then she was standing beside me wanting to touch everything I was using.

Now I suppose she can do it on her own.

People constantly refer to how much children observe and soak up.  And I'm well aware of that.  But it never ceases to amaze me.  

I read books with Lucy.  We count, say our colors, and make animal sounds.  She has picked up some.

But here's some things she does well.

• When she finds a piece of paper/wrapper on the ground, she marches into the kitchen and opens the cabinet under the sink, pulls the trash can out, throws away her trash, pushes the trash can back in, and closes the cabinet.  Now we just have to work on the definition of trash. :)
• In the mornings, she goes to the dog food bin, scoops out food and fills it in the bowl...for all 3 dogs.
• When she wants to go outside, she goes and gets her shoes and tries to stick her feet in them.
• When she wants to eat, she'll go to the fridge and wait for you.
• If she finds her nail clippers, she holds them to each of her nails and pretends to clip.
• She'll scratch her daddy's back.
• If she hears the dishwasher open, she comes running and stands at the side and hands me each dish to put away.
• When we get her down after meals, she goes and gets her little miniature broom and sweeps mashes everything in even more.
• She shares her water and snacks with her dolls, she reads to them, and she tucks them in.
• She'll come out of her closet with items of clothing draped around her, proud that she dressed herself. 

None of which I set out to teach her.

This might seem like a list of small, insignificant things.  But together, it's the image of a little girl, not a baby.


I will always try and teach.  But more then anything, I will include her in life.  Not just letting her see, but letting her in.  No matter how much it requires Steven and I to slow down.  We welcome it.  We welcome her efforts and her attempts at contributing to the day to day that is our family.


More than anything Lord, I pray that as she watches me, she'll be led to You.

Figs.

We have a fig tree.

I decided to try and make some almond flour fig newtons.

I thought it would be neat to share the process here.  But it was confirmed why I would make a horrid food blogger.

1.  I'm not the cook.  Steven has the refined palate.  He enjoys cooking.  He is fantastic at it.  Period.  I would survive on cereal, scrambled eggs, and beer.  (Thank you for feeding me honey.)

2.  While I do enjoy the occasional baking, it's never pretty.  Rest assured anything I bake will come out an unusual size with zero uniformity.  Not to mention, Lucy's favorite drawer is the one containing all of our measuring utensils, which then get strewn about in all corners of the house.  Always missing the one I need, things can get interesting.

3.  As I was sliding the tray into the oven, I saw my camera sitting on the counter.  Crap, I forgot to take pictures of 'the process.' Oh well.

But nonetheless, they turned out pretty deliciously and are being consumed for breakfast and completely Lucy approved.

So this:

Became this:

You might ask why there are pumpkins in our kitchen...in July.  We had a surprise pumpkin vine take root after last falls discarded decor.  So, pumpkins in July!


Up next:

Sauce and Salsa!

Sofa Time

I broke a classic 'mother rule' today.

The whole no jumping on the sofa rule.  I mean, I definitely do not want my children entering a home and feeling free to treat someone's living room as a jungle gym.  But sometimes it's appropriate, right?

I have vivid memories of my grandmother's couch in her basement.  A couch and it's cushions that spent plenty of time as a ship, a fort, boulders across molten hot lava, and/or a swinging bridge over a congregation of angry, aggressive alligators.

So I can't deny the joy found in throwing off cushions and running and jumping from end to end.

Lucy just kept looking at me, amongst the cackles and snorting and giggles, with an expression that screamed, "Mom, did you know how much fun this was?!" 

I couldn't help but just let her enjoy it.

And snap a few pictures of course...

Father's Day

My Papa.

He loves me unconditionally.  Something so simple, but not something you see often. 

Love...with no conditions, no requirements. 

There is so much freedom in being raised with unconditional love.  To know in every fiber of my being that there is nothing I could say, do, choose, believe, or live that would change the way I'm seen and loved and treated by my father. 

I'm so thankful that my heavenly Papa gave me such a wonderful earthly Papa to demonstrate His love so clearly to me.

And my best friend...

Well, he's loving my little girl in the same way.