22 Weeks

Dear 2nd Baby,

Today we went on a family walk.

Why?  You will soon understand.  We're a family who likes to wander.  Especially in the woods.  and especially in the Fall.  Once you get here you'll have to wait a little while to see Fall for yourself, but it will so be worth the wait.

I also wanted to collect some things to use for some projects in the house.  Your sister can confirm this, but I fully welcome any outdoor collections you may one day present me.  Rocks, sticks, pinecones, flowers, leaves, weeds...whatever draws you in.  I do have some rules concerning things that move and crawl, but we'll talk about that when the time comes.

I love my belly sweet baby.  I've missed it.  A hard, round shell...a vessel.  It feels so right that I'm your little home right now.  I remember now what a peaceful time this is.  When your movements are still private and are felt deep inside, only by me.  Keep on growing my love.

Here's a look at your family and just a little bit of the world we can't wait to introduce to you.

Love,
Mama

20 Months

Dear Lucy,

20 months today. In four months you will be my 2 year old. No longer tracked by the months you’ve been in this world, but simply by years. That seems even crazier than the fact you will also become a big sister in four months!

The only thing keeping you closer to still resembling my baby is your sweet little baby hair. Yes, it’s growing…slowly. In all other areas you are racing to little girl status.

Daily you are adding to your vocabulary, even putting a few words together in phrases. Your favorite phrase being, ‘hold you’, as you stretch your arms out waiting to be held. You like practicing your colors. You have a pretty good record of getting them right, but if you’re not sure, your fall back color is always blue. You are also all about names. Every photograph we pass or any time we’re visiting with friends and family, you like to point and say everyone’s name. Or point and say, ‘who’s this’ and have everyone say their name. You always end with a great big grin and you point to yourself and say, 'Lucy’, which sounds more like ‘sushi’. My favorite time though, is hearing you read your books to yourself.

Lucy, you are the most affectionate little tot I’ve ever seen. Sure you still have your clingy moments when you just want to be held if you’re tired, hungry, or just not feeling your best. But so often you stop what you’re doing just to run over and hug me or your dad and give us kisses, always accompanied with an, ‘awwwwww’ from you. You like kneeling in my lap and laying your head on my chest and then you look up and grin and nuzzle your cheek against my cheek and just giggle. On walks, if you’re not holding my hand, I’ll carry you and you’ll put your arm around my neck and you just pat my back with your little hand. I don’t know if toddlers already have a love language, but yours my dear would certainly be physical touch.

And my tiny little bird, you are officially in the next size clothing! After wearing 12M clothing for the entire last year, you are now wearing 18M/18-24Months. You may still be a little on the tiny side, but your personality is not. Your movements have such purpose and intent. You have a swagger and facial expressions to match, that keep your dad and me laughing all day. And speaking of laughing, I cannot keep up with how many different laughs you have. My goal is to try and get them all on video because I don’t want to ever forget a single one of them.

Lucy you embody laughter and joy, even during the times when you are helping me learn more and more about patience and grace. You continue to become one of my sweetest companions. I love you with all my heart.

Love, Mama

20 Weeks

Well little one, you finally decided to make a noticeable appearance.  (Even though I've noticed a bump for weeks now!)  Your dad even went to pull me into a hug the other night and was like, "Whoa!  You've got a baby in there!"  I guess it's about time since we're at the 20 week mark.  That's half way my dear!

I've also been feeling movement about once a day or so.  And I have loved it.  Especially since I haven't  been able to hear your little heartbeat yet.  But I know that you are in God's hands and are being formed perfectly.  Perfectly made and perfect for our family.

Love,
Mama

P.S.  The picture below was actually taken at 19 weeks, but nothing has changed since!

18 Weeks

Little One,

You're 18 weeks today.

I wish I had something exciting to tell you about today.  But I'm afraid the only big event was that I washed and dried a load of Lucy's clothes with what I think was a crayon,  everything was covered with bright waxy residue.  Your dad did a little research and was able to rescue the situation.  All clothes were returned to their original state.

We did have a midwife appointment on Wednesday.  It went well.  It's still pretty early, so most of the appointment is just talking about how I'm feeling and continuing to make sure I'm taking care of myself, which is then taking care of you.

I shared something that I hope you don't take the wrong way.  I'm still having a hard time connecting.  I keep forgetting you are in there!  And it's starting to weigh heavy on me.

Here's what she told me...

I'm a different woman this time.  When I was pregnant with Lucy, I wasn't a mother yet.  Being a mother who is pregnant, is different.  I have a child walking around outside of me now, and it's true that it feels like my heart now lives outside of me as well.  Your sister consumes me in the most wonderful way.  So while you are nestled inside, still too small for me to feel or hear your heartbeat with the fetal stethoscope, you're still a part of me.

But here's what makes this a wonderful thing.  I'm not just fantasizing about being a mother this time, I am a mother.  So I know what it feels like to almost explode from love when you look at this baby in your arms that was just inside of you.  And to be amazed at how that love somehow grows even stronger as you watch them grow and get to know who they are.

So my precious 2nd baby, what a day your birthday will be!  I promise to keep taking care of myself, loving on our little family, and looking forward to the day you will change my life forever.

Keep growing!

Love,
Mama

THE weekend

This past weekend was the weekend.

The one that I look forward to every year.

The one where my family gathers together for a weekend in a cabin nestled in the woods on the bend of a river.

We gather together, as my sister said, for no other reason except to just be together.

It's our Thanksgiving, our Christmas, and a million other celebrations from the previous year.

Each year brings new life growing in bellies, new babies crawling around underfoot, new jobs, new houses, new health...always plenty to celebrate.

We mark each year with updated family pictures and my mom prepares a spaghetti dinner of thanks. 

The rest of our time is unplanned, but is sure to be filled with food, music, exploration, and plenty of sweet conversation.

I love my family so much and I consider it one of my most favorite blessings that I also consider these people my closest and most cherished friends.  I love their company, their wisdom, their humor, their unconditional love.  I love the influence they have on my life and the influence they will have on my children.

I also love the effortless way we allow each other to focus and pour ourselves into our individual growing families, knowing that is what God has called us to do and is how He designed the family.

But you better believe that in an instant, when support and encouragement or just a good time is needed, we'll be there.  Circling the wagons, supporting each other, loving each other, just being there.

Here's to family and friends...

16 Weeks

Dear 2nd baby,

We had a really nice 16-week day for you.

We slept with the windows open last night, so we woke up to a cool crisp morning.

I'm so glad Fall is finally creeping back in.  It is most certainly a favorite season in this family.  While your dad made breakfast for everyone, Lucy wanted to do a quick morning walk.  The cool Fall air makes her frisky too.

Here's a picture of your silly sister :)

After breakfast we cleaned up and went to a pond where we fed some ducks and walked around collecting things that we brought home to make a fall arrangement.

We're actually back outside this evening, where I'm writing you this letter.  It's so hard to stay indoors during this season.  The air is lighter and crisper, the tea olive seems to smell sweeter and stronger, and the earth produces a whole new bounty of things to find on our walks; pinecones, acorns, and fallen leaves that are just starting to take on the reds, yellows, and oranges that will soon saturate the skyline.  It's such a world that you will be a part of.  The next time these leaves change color, you will be in my arms.

It's different this time, you know?  The waiting.  When Lucy was in my belly I wanted to know everything.  I had the daily journal that told me each day what was happening inside me and I received the weekly updates of what growth happened in the previous week.  And yes it was fun and thrilling and fascinating!  But just so much tracking.  We won't be having any ultrasounds this time, our midwife isn't even concerned with tracking my weight.  The only concern is to keep my body moving, stretching, and strengthening and to fill it up with good nutrition and hydration.  So I feel like this go around, with you, instead of a daily, weekly, and monthly count down, we're simply in a season together.  A season where we are both growing and changing and waiting.  Letting God do His thing, creating a new masterpiece.  And strangely enough, I enjoy the slow and the waiting.  I love this season.

So we will continue to enjoy Autumn and it's bounty.  We will ease into winter and rest and nest and prepare.  And in it's perfect timing, we will usher in Spring with the greatest of new life, you, little one.

Love,
Mama

18 Months

Dear Lucy,

You are 18 months today.  Halfway to two!

I remember this time last year when you turned 6 months.  It really did feel like we leisurely climbed that first half of your first year of life and reached the top and then just flew down the other side and we're celebrating your first birthday in a blink.

I have a feeling that is going to happen this go around as well.

A lot has happened during our summer.  Full of visits and activities, but also a lot of leisurely family time as well.

You completed your Infant Aquatics class.  It was a big commitment, 4 days a week for 6 weeks.  But you went from being my little bird to my little fish.  You were such a good student!  You caught on fast and the best part for me was that you enjoyed yourself.  It was just amazing to watch Mrs. Jodi teach you to tap into survival instincts that were there inside of your little baby/toddler self.  I mean you were 16 months old and swimming!  You'll jump off the side of the pool or steps and swim underwater to us.  If we're too far away or you're trying to go to the other side, once you run out of air you just roll over on your back and float while you catch your breath and then turn back over and keep on kicking until you reach your destination.  You love to watch the videos of yourself and clap when you see yourself swimming.  Your dad and I plan on taking you to the YMCA pool during the fall and winter so you can keep it up.  Not to mention you like to practice floating and kicking in the bath tub.  It was a time and money investment, but the worth is immeasurable to us.  With the weather cooling and our explorations increasing, I'll have the ability to allow you to explore just a little bit farther when we're in the woods around streams and ponds and that brings even more relaxed joy to our outings.  And the confidence and freedom it gave you to truly play in the water was just a pleasure to watch.

You also started 'school' last month.  You go two days a week, from 9 to 1.  You love it. You're bringing home weekly art projects, your vocabulary is increasing rapidly, and I can see your confidence growing.  At orientation we were given some questions to fill out and bring back the first week of school.  One of the questions was, "What would you like to see your child accomplish this year?"  Your father and I answered, "For Lucy to be her confident, comfortable, silly self away from her mom and dad."  We felt like it was time to start teaching you to be yourself away from your comfort zone.  You have spent the first 500 and something days of your life with me and it was time for this small, simple little push.  I want to make sure that even at this young age, you're able to start letting your light shine!  I look forward, as the year progresses, to write down moments and milestones as you become more comfortable with your teachers and the other children and as you continue to grow further away from babyhood and closer to the glimpse of the little girl you will become.

Speaking of new communities, we have been going to a new church for around 6 months now but have really felt plugged in over the last several weeks.  Finding a church family has been something I have been praying for since your father and I got married and it's been a slow patient process.  But wouldn't you know it, our faithful Lord led us to a body of believers that has exceeded even our simple prayer request.  Lucy, I am so excited about this new family.  It is a new, younger church full of genuine, passionate, and loving people.  It's a church that doesn't want to just study the Bible, they want to live it.  It's a church ran by volunteers.  A church that isn't about serving ourselves, as much as it is about finding ways to serve our community.  I have met people that have a heart for mercy and justice and truly care about finding ways to love on the people that we are called to love.  I am so giddy about the possibilities and how I, as well as our family, am about to get stretched and even pushed out of my comfort zone to satisfy a tension and a calling to actively live out the love that Christ freely pours out on us.  Your father and I talk endlessly about how important that is for us as parents to show you.  We want a church experience for you that is more than teaching, learning and fellowship, but a body of Christ that gives and serves and loves, far outside the walls of the building they gather in each week.  I am so thankful for this answered prayer.

Another recent family event...we bought a cow!  No, not the kind that grazes the lawn and moos.  But a whole cow's worth of meat.  What we eat is so important, and we want you to learn about that importance and the tremendous benefits and responsibility of consuming good natural foods.  Food has the ability to heal and restore.  That's why our garden was so important to us.  But then you ended up being a caveman in a little girl's body.  You love meat...and fruit (Your teachers call you a fruit-tarian!).  But oh, your meat.  One of your favorite new words to say is actually sausage.  Although it sounds more like saw-saw.  You like to drag out each syllable and then add plenty of emphasis and gusto, usually including some arm pumps as well.  Anyways, it became increasingly important for us to make sure you were getting safe, quality meet.  After plenty of research and scouting, it was actually going to be more cost efficient to buy the whole cow.  That way we got to pick out a local, grass-fed, hormone-free, pampered, stress free cow.  I feel really good about what our family is eating, but I think your dad just likes to go look at the deep freezer filled with meat.

I guess I should also note, that last month marked the end of our breastfeeding relationship.  My goal was a year, and I didn't really foresee a year and half.  But it just happened that way.  I was able to help you through your one year molars, springtime colds, and continue building that immune system when you started school.  Plus, it was the only time you still looked like my baby.  It just felt right and I went with it.  I am so thankful for our journey together, especially considering it was one with such a rough and painful start.  I was tremendously humbled, I learned a lot, and I thank you for the good and the bad so that I can use this new wisdom for the next go around!

Your summer was filled with lots of other things.  Beach trips, a family reunion, family visits, and more.  But there is one more thing, a really BIG thing.  I have a new baby in my belly.  

You are going to be a big sister.

I wrote to your little brother or sister last week about how wonderful it is to have a big sister.  But the neat part is that I can also tell you how wonderful it is to be the big sister.  The fierceness with which you love them, the pride you feel in claiming them, and even during the stages when they are driving you crazy, the immense responsibility you feel to protect them is always there.  It is certainly something that will be a part of what shapes you.  As soon as he or she arrives, you will be different, never again the same.  But in such a good, rich way.  I have looked forward to giving you this gift.  And I know you will make the most of it.

Oh sweet Lucy, you are so much fun.  Your father and I spend 80% of our time with you just laughing!  You love dancing and just moving in general.  I can't play the piano without you joining in, but you've gone from banging to liking the way it sounds when you just play the individual keys.  You talk to yourself and to your dolls.  Your favorite sounds are animal noises and your building quite the repertoire.  One of your favorite games just warms my heart so much.  You gather one of your dolls and a bag and you wave goodbye and blow a kiss and then walk out of the room.  Then you come back in and throw your bag down and run over and give me a hug and kiss as I make a big deal about how much I missed you and I ask how your day was and you most certainly answer me.  Then you giggle, go get your bag, and we do the routine all over again.  I love that you are learning that coming and going doesn't have to be sad or scary.

You have plenty of attitude and we are in the tantrum phase.  They usually only occur when you're tired, duh!  That's when I have mine too :)  But we have been using time-out and you respond to it beautifully.  You sit for one minute and you keep your head down with your hands in your lap and usually take loud deep breaths and then when we bend down to tell you you're done you give us the biggest cheesiest grin and leap into our arms with a kiss.  So it's been less for discipline and more for teaching you how to take a breather and calm down when you start getting worked up.

You still have so much of your daddy in you.  You take tasks very serious and love being given a responsibility.  You  are already starting to pick up your toys before you leave the room.  Of course this isn't exactly consistent, but you do it on your own without being asked.  You still are the one that feeds the dogs and you help unload the dishwasher.  You love helping in the garden.  You watched me picking peppers the other day and went to another bush and started pulling the peppers off and placing them in the basket.  You actually lightened the work load.  Not bad for 18 month!

Lucy, the sound of your laughter still washes through my entire body.  I love how you smile with your entire face.  Even your little smirks reach your eyes.  I love that you still love to cuddle and snuggle.  I love that you look forward to being read to, as well as enjoy 'reading' to yourself.  I love you, I love you, I love you.
 
We have so much ahead of us Lucy Pearl.

Love,
Mama