38 Weeks

Dear my darling second baby,

My mind, my thoughts, my heart…constantly stirring.

Trying to formulate some tangible image of what it actually looks like to be ready to receive a new life into our established little world.  Silly really, I know better.  It doesn’t work that way.

Yes, our supplies are gathered and organized.  But to have some notion that all emotions, projects, and worries will be checked off and wrapped up neatly before you arrive?  Hardly!  That is a peace and place of contentment that can’t be constructed by my own attempts, but by choosing to receive it from my Savior.  A promise from Him that I too often forget.

Yesterday a group of dear women, fairly new in my life, prayed over you and me.  I felt light and lifted for the rest of the day.  I didn’t realize how much I needed it, the simple confession of need and the receiving of prayer.

It’s a bad habit I’m afraid I developed.  This subconscious tightening around myself, as if I’m holding my breath whenever a lot is weighing on my mind.  When here my entire life I’ve been surrounded by love and support and people willing to shoulder it with me.  It’s such a gift and a blessing you get to be born into.

So as I’m choosing to trust God’s grace and provision for what mothering a 2 year old and newborn will look like, I’m reminded of a few things.

If I’ve learned anything in the two short years of being a mother, it’s that while tips and books and guidelines and advice are nice and can be very helpful, mothering is relational.  For me, it was getting to know your sister that shaped how I mothered her.

And so it will be with you.  I look forward to getting to know you and letting that help shape the changes that will happen as our family grows from 3 to 4.   

I will be holding you soon my love.

Love,

Mama